THERE’S AN OUTRAGE everywhere you look these days, and for those of you suffering a bit of outrage fatigue, my sympathies. But as an actor and a gay man I have to address one issue that has really hit home for me this week: that of Kevin Hart and the Oscars.
For those of you who don’t take an interest in such things, here’s a brief explainer: The black comic actor Kevin Hart signed on to be the host for this year’s Oscars and at first I was excited. He’s a funny guy and I figured he’d bring some much-needed laughter to the show. But then some tweets from his past surfaced that were somewhat homophobic. The Academy said he needed to apologize for these tweets and other quotes from his past and he refused to do so, announcing publicly that he wouldn’t be hosting Hollywood’s biggest night, after all.
Well I have a bit of a bee in my bonnet about this and more than one friend has asked me why I am ‘so angry and militant’ about gay rights. So I thought I’d try to explain myself in a forum that requires more than 140 characters.
A few year’s back as part of his comedy routine Hart said that if his son were to come home and tell him he was gay, he would beat him. Kevin apologized and I respect him for that, and I think he meant it – after all it was part of his comedy routine. If we go back in history, especially in the ’70s, British comedy was full of homophobia, women-hating and not-so subtle racism. But that was of a time right? Growing up in a working class midlands town it was considered fun to be offensive, and if I’m honest I laughed too.
Some ask if this PC thing has gotten out of hand. Has the whole world gone crazy, people often ask? Straight white men (SWM) seem to be alienated by anyone that’s not them. I hear SWM actors complaining that they aren’t getting them breaks anymore, because they are now going to people of colour or women, or they are now going gay on the role. And all this talk and upset over Scarlett Johansson playing a trans in a film. And now the focus has turned to Hart, who in 2015 said he would never play a gay role because of his own insecurities, revealing that he turned down a spot in 2008’s Tropic Thunder because the role was for a “flagrant” gay character.
So is it all fear? Insecurities?
I was born into a very “straight” neighborhood as but I was bit ‘flagrant’ as a little kid. I loved dressing up, putting on make-up and wearing mum’s stockings on my head and running out the front door in her high heels, to the laugher of the neighbours. I was caught reprimanded, bullied and called names. I used to like to play with the girls, I wasn’t into football and the lads scared me. And I became an excellent sprinter at school, because of all the times I was chased home by bullies wanting to beat me up.
Catchphrases of camp comedians followed me in the school hallways or on the playground. Duncan Norville’s “Chase me, chase me,” and Larry Grayson’s “Shut that door” or John Inman’s “I’m free”. I didn’t know what I’d done wrong… I was just being me.
Things changed when I was about 11 and sifting through the 7” singles stalls at the local market. Uncle Stewart, my dad’s best man from his wedding, came up to me and said “In order to survive out there Craig, you’re gonna have to butch it up. Play the part, become a man.” This stuck with me. I really listened to that advice and took it to heart. I started got into football, computer games and started hanging around with the bad boys. I get into fights and I started to bully others. The taunting of me stopped because I was no the queer … and I liked it. I even started dating girls. We had one older gay man on the estate, named Martin and I’d join in and throw stones at him, one night we painted his house pink. Looking back I’m mortified at my behaviour. But the further I removed myself the more protected I was.
After leaving school and joining a boy band I was petrified that anyone would find out I was gay, after all my job as the cute one was to bring in the teenage girls to buy our records. Then later as an actor, a manager advised I keep it under wraps for fear of getting typecast and not getting the roles I might otherwise be suited for.
So what’s my point? I often wonder what my life might have been like if I hadn’t received those words of advice from my Uncle. Would I have ended up like the guy in the village? Or the bigger question… would I even still be here? Research has found that attempted suicide rates and suicidal thoughts among lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) youth is significantly higher than among the general population. LGBT adolescents have the highest rate of suicide attempts, which scientific research indicates is linked to homophobic attitudes and heterosexist discrimination, including political attacks on the civil rights of LGBT people, such as in the contemporary efforts to halt the establishment of same-sex marriage.
Today I’m an out man and have been in a long term relationship with Michael, the love of my life. But it took me a hell of a long time to accept myself and get past the self-loathing I used to pray to god to make me straight, I wouldn’t let people get close to me for fear of them “finding out” about me. Even today I think its funny when I hear comments of “what a waste” and “who’s the man in the relationship”?
Which brings me back to Kevin Hart. He was offered the chance to become an ally. To do more than just apologize. To teach other straight young people that their words have consequences. That bullying, even though it seems funny, can really hurt and change lives and sometimes end them. But he chose not to, he said no. “To be come an LBGT ally is not my priority,” he said.
So yes this is why I have a bee in my bonnet about Kevin Hart. He had an opportunity. He had a choice. And that’s fine, but I am also allowed to have an opinion about it.
So next time you wonder what straight privilege looks like, ask yourself if you have had to live my life, or that of millions others around the world who had it so much worse than me. Maybe you’ll get it. Or maybe, like Kevin you just don’t care.
Craig Young
