Hint: Embrace the Awkward!
With guest columnist Mark Tweddle
I’m not a natural networker. Even back in 1985, when I studied Electrical Engineering at University in Scotland I knew I had a problem. I was an isolator amongst isolators in a comparatively isolated part of the world. There is not a single person from my time at University that I kept in touch with. They are good people, I just had no idea how to connect back then.
Last week I went to a cocktail party with my wife, held in a huge house in the hills behind West Hollywood. We were there because my wife is a member of the UK actors’ union, Equity. Not my party, hers. As we arrived, I realized I knew the guy at the reception desk from a group we attend. Inside, I recognized another five attendees that I knew from other groups and events. I’ve come a long way from being isolated and alone in Scotland.
I’m still not great at making connections/networking and I’m certainly no expert. I just do it a lot. I have a business here and I’m not from L.A, so I know I need to connect with more of the people that live here, their businesses, and their culture.
I network so often now it’s gotten kind of silly. I trawl Meetup and Eventbrite weekly for new opportunities. My wife rolls her eyes when I mention I’m heading out to yet another event, and our business coach laughs when I (yet again) start to tell her stories of my most recent networking adventures.
My biggest lesson from all this networking has been that I genuinely like meeting new people. I never thought I did, until my wife pointed out that I would be energized from even the most tedious of events, just so long as I had talked to some new people. Back some time in the 1990’s I did a Myers-Briggs test that pegged me as an extrovert, an answer no one believed at the time… It turns out to be correct, I get my energy from being out in the world with others.
My most useful tactic to enjoy a networking event came when I went to a Meetup called, “Sacred Networking”. I knew it would be awkward for me, but I wanted to try something new and out of my comfort zone. I even muttered the serenity prayer to myself before I got out of the car and headed into the swanky yoga/breathwork studio in Venice. I did not expect to meet anyone like me.
Once inside, no one was allowed to talk about what they did for a living. It was like a breath of fresh air in this town where everyone asks what you do, sometimes even before they ask ‘how are you?’ To start the event everyone was asked for a positive thing that they would like to focus on throughout the evening. I said that I would like to focus on enjoying the inevitable feeling of awkwardness. That got a laugh from the group, not a ridiculing laugh, but a recognition of honesty laugh.
Later, when I had to spend five long minutes silently staring directly into the eyes of a stranger with just 24 inches between our faces… I really needed my focus on enjoying that awkward feeling.
It turns out that once you have enjoyed the awkwardness of silently staring into a stranger’s eyes, no networking event is ever quite as awkward. However, I still try to harness that same focus as I enter any kind of business or social gathering.
It helps me have a good time, talk to new people, and truly listen to the people I meet. I’m still very much not an expert, but I am at least learning and having fun.
I know I’m not alone in my awkwardness, and that makes me wonder, what do you do to make networking productive and fun?
Mark Tweddle
The bald Scottish guy at YouTellYours.com
