By Kerry Marlowe
Just over fourteen years ago I moved to the good old U.S of A. My initial goal of eight months soon turned into years and the enticing sun and show business reeled me in. The idea of settling down here and marrying an American was furthest from my mind. But here I am married to a pretty great American husband and now have two kids!
It’s funny how easily you slide into different social circles here. You go from the single girl who mingles with her peers, to going into a relationship and then double dating, to having kids and only seeing out another grown up during playdates and soccer matches. Occasionally you find yourself that cheeky mum friend who’ll have a glass of wine with you at 3.30pm before the kids come home.
Having kids in LA is great if you are involved with the film industry. My kids are both actors and slowly paying their own way towards college in this very expensive state. Believe me my kids jump at the chance to be in front of the camera any chance possible.
During the months I was pregnant here, missing my family (especially my mum) back in England was hard. I had a million questions with my first son and only a handful of friends here had kids and they were all girls. So there were no clothing hand me downs. A word of advice to all those soon-to-be-parents, if someone offers you a gently used pack n’ play or swing etc., take it! You’ll soon realize that children are expensive and will cost you even more than you expected, especially during the “I want” stages.
It can be lonely at times being a parent, as it always seems other parents have a gajillion after school activities planned for their kids. One facet of parenting I’ve found here since joining a “Mom’s Club”, is that parents expect a lot of their kids. They try to up each other by competing to see whose kid sat up first, who hit all their milestones and whose kid said their ABC’s fresh out of the womb. It is bloomin’ exhausting.
To add more pressure on us already weary mums, things like “you must cloth diaper”, or “breast feed only” or “make all meals from scratch” are thrown at you. One person even told me I was psychologically scarring my children by letting them watch television. The British in me said “Oh really?” and the British inside me was saying something a lot less PG rated.
In England most of my family and friends are all about “I’ve got your back” or “just do what you are doing as you know what’s best for your family”. Therefore even if you feel like you are failing as a parent they bring you back up and go make you a nice cup of tea. Which is why I’ve found mostly my British mum friends in LA are noncompetitive and chilled out when it comes to parenting. We all have that same “we all muck in” attitude.
There’s no need for this pressure to jump back into those skinny jeans and see how fast you can get your kid in daycare. Me; I stayed home, donated those jeans, ate cheese and played with my kids.
We put ourselves through enough punishment as it is that we don’t need to bring others down. Postpartum depression is real and we need our mum army to help us fight those battles. You’ll soon come to learn that that excess Halloween candy you hid from the kids to “save their teeth” will get you through some rough times.
Obviously this is just my experience of parenting and I have a four and six year old. My philosophy now is to make a nice cup of tea with a digestive and find those amazing mum friends that rally round for you and give your kids all the love you can muster!
