We are being inundated with memes, music, blogs and videos at the moment. I ignore most but occasionally a few good ones get through. Like the dad reading his kids the bedroom story regarding ‘The Great Realisation’; the little girl telling us how many days she has been home now (too ****ing many); the horse race with the imaginatively named horses to name a few. The following albeit long piece (eyeroll), I stole from a Facebook friend (and a real friend) which she in turn had stolen, offers us another lighthearted look on our current norm. Sadly, I do not know who to credit but whoever you are I thank you.
”Lockdown lingo – are you fully conversant with the new terminology
Coronacoaster – The ups and downs of your mood during the pandemic. You’re loving lockdown one minute but suddenly weepy with anxiety the next. It truly is “an emotional coronacoaster”.
Quarantinis – Experimental cocktails mixed from whatever random ingredients you have left in the house. The boozy equivalent of a store cupboard supper. Southern Comfort and Ribena quarantini with a glacé cherry garnish, anyone? These are sipped at “locktail hour”, ie. wine o’clock during lockdown, which seems to be creeping earlier with each passing week.
Blue Skype thinking – A work brainstorming session which takes place over a videoconferencing app. Such meetings might also be termed a “Zoomposium”. Naturally, they are to be avoided if at all possible.
Le Creuset wrist – It’s the new “avocado hand” – an aching arm after taking one’s best saucepan outside to bang during the weekly ‘Clap For Carers.’ It might be heavy but you’re keen to impress the neighbours with your high-quality kitchenware.
Coronials – As opposed to millennials, this refers to the future generation of babies conceived or born during coronavirus quarantine. They might also become known as “Generation C” or, more spookily, “Children of the Quarn”.
Furlough Merlot – Wine consumed in an attempt to relieve the frustration of not working. Also known as “bored-eaux” or “cabernet tedium”.
Coronadose – An overdose of bad news from consuming too much media during a time of crisis. Can result in a panicdemic.
The elephant in the Zoom – The glaring issue during a videoconferencing call that nobody feels able to mention. E.g. one participant has dramatically put on weight, suddenly sprouted terrible facial hair or has a worryingly messy house visible in the background.
Quentin Quarantino – An attention-seeker using their time in lockdown to make amateur films which they’re convinced are funnier and cleverer than they actually are.
Covidiot or Wuhan-ker – One who ignores public health advice or behaves with reckless disregard for the safety of others can be said to display “covidiocy” or be “covidiotic”. Also called a “lockclown” or even a “Wuhan-ker”.
Goutbreak – The sudden fear that you’ve consumed so much wine, cheese, home-made cake and Easter chocolate in lockdown that your ankles are swelling up like a medieval king’s.
Antisocial distancing – Using health precautions as an excuse for snubbing neighbours and generally ignoring people you find irritating.
Coughin’ dodger – Someone so alarmed by an innocuous splutter or throat-clear that they back away in terror.
Mask-ara – Extra make-up applied to “make one’s eyes pop” before venturing out in public wearing a face mask.
Covid-10 -The 10lbs in weight that we’re all gaining from comfort-eating and comfort-drinking. Also known as “fattening the curve” (Unknown writer)
My world has not changed too much in current times. I managed a trip to the UK in February and brought my mother back for a visit in early March for the first time. I wanted her to stay longer but fortuitously she chose to return home just before things escalated. My husband is off work as the studios are closed and my stepdaughter still lives between two houses and continues to use her iPad for homework and now online classes. I am still working and dog walking thankfully. I work at San Antonio Winery. As we all know wine is essential and therefore it has remained open throughout. No tasting, just vast amounts sold to ‘take the edge off’ our lockdown, online and in store alongside takeout food. I have been welcomed and a member of Brits in La since 2015 when only a visitor here but am now married and very much settled. Bring on the sunshine – natures disinfectant – and stay safe everyone as it is not over yet.
– Christina Withers
