As the nation’s mental health crisis deepens, it’s important be mindful of the struggles of others, writes Craig Young
As the Harry styles song goes:
“Maybe we can….find a place to feel good…And we can treat people with kindness….Find a place to feel good”
There’s some darkness out there, right now, whether it’s covid-anxiety, fear of the unknown, the thought of failing, feeling unaccomplished. Rates of suicide have risen astronomically in the past two years – lets look at some statistics:
The age-adjusted suicide rate in 2019 was 13.93 per 100,000 individuals.
The rate of suicide is highest in middle-aged white men.
In 2019, men died by suicide 3.63x as often as women.
On average, there are 130 suicides per day.
White males accounted for 69.38% of suicide deaths in 2019.
In 2019, firearms accounted for 50.39% of all suicide deaths.
Forgive me for being morbid, but it’s a real thing – just this past week two young males I was acquainted with decided to end their lives, tragically. I’ve known other friends commit suicide throughout the years too. Or even make an attempt.
When I was 19… I was one of them! And I’m going to do my best to explain what it was like, what that darkness and pain was I was feeling, that despair that took over me and the hopelessness I felt – the constant thought that I couldn’t be fixed.
When I was 19, I was in a pop group, touring Europe, performing on Top of the Pops, with screaming fans waiting outside venues. The world at my feet. Of course there were many, many highs and I felt extremely lucky to be chosen to be a part of this and very grateful to have had this experience – but there was this underlying feeling of not being deserving of it, feeling inauthentic, like a fraud, that I was likely living someone else’s dream.
Growing up in a small working-class town we were taught to be humble, not to brag and never get above our station. Good values I think most of us can all live by. But perhaps it creates this idea of keeping us small, falling in line, being a model citizen. I was the baby of five kids, and my parents both worked, so I had a sense of freedom, which looking back was a blessing – I doubt very much I’d be sitting in my LA house with my amazing views typing away – if not for that. Something else I’m truly grateful for.
Now back to the 19year-old kid in a bathtub – putting his head under the water and holding his breath for as long as he can – not for sport but to numb the unexplainable pain or void. I mean it all reeks of attention-seeking, I was thinking…why? for what? What’s the point of it all? Looking back it was likely the thought of humiliation and the shame I carried with me about my being gay and having to hide it – living this ‘inauthentic life”. “Being into girls”… “Being into Nirvana”…”Being a singer” and the daily fear of being caught out or exposed. IF I KILL MYSELF… They would have to have pity and wouldn’t dare dog me down – for I am dead. Dramatic right? It’s probably no surprise I went into acting, to create characters as far from myself as possible.
If you’ve seen reruns of the TV show NIP/TUCK, each episode begins with the dialogue “Tell me what you don’t like about yourself?”
I think most people who have never been suicidal can create some sort of list… I’m too short, I’m too fat, I don’t like my lips, my butt. Essentially it comes down to society and media – what’s perpetuated as being acceptable – aka normal.
This feels like a chapter in a book that one day I’ll get around to writing “Confessions of a teeny-bop pop-star” but again perhaps not, it really isn’t that interesting of a life. There I go again not getting above my station. But this column only allows so many words.
I do want to say looking back at whatever force pulled that young man’s head out of the bath water and gasped for air I want to say: thank you! Yes I have dark days, but I’m grateful for all the 20+ years I’ve experienced here on earth since then, the places I’ve been, the people I’ve encountered, the love and kindness I’ve been shown. I often say life is a roller coaster – there are many ups and downs – and when you are down… what comes next will be an up, eventually! Hang on in there because it could be an invigorating, fulfilling adventurous journey. Try to find the balance in everything, try to live authentically, try not to compare yourself to others…take risks, be spontaneous, say yes to new things, create boundaries… but mainly enjoy the ride.
Treat others with kindness, for we never know what someone is really going through.
Perhaps today we can all reach out to one friend who might be going through a tough time, be a sounding board, a shoulder to cry on – be a good friend, it might just make all the difference.
Rest in Power – Chris and Barry — May you now find your peace.
I am not an expert in suicide prevention, so if you or you know of someone struggling this time, there is help available:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Hours: Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish. 1-800-273-8255
